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Well There is That "Saint" Prestige Class
}} Belkar acquires a donkey from a hapless gnome. Cast * Roy Greenhilt ◀ ▶ * Haley Starshine ◀ ▶ * Belkar Bitterleaf ◀ ▶ * Mr. Scruffy ◀ ▶ * Celia ◀ ▶ * Solt's Donkey ▶ * Solt Lorkyurg * Fox News * Four Gnomes Transcript The party continues through the Southern Mountains. Belkar: See, now that's what being on a team is all about. You wanted to not kill ANY hobgoblins, I wanted to kill ALL the hobgoblins, and what happened? Belkar: We compromised: I killed ONE of the hobgoblins. Celia: You didn't need to kill him. Belkar: True. But I didn't need to NOT kill him either. Haley: Celia, I can't believe I'm about to say this, but Belkar didn't do anything wrong. Belkar: I didn't? Huh. Haley: Everything worked out fine. This is a war: if one of them happen to die today, that's one less for the Resistance to fight later. Haley: Now both of you, shush. There's a gnome on the road. Solt Lorkyurg: Hello, fellow travelers! Hail, and well met! Solt: My name is Solt Lorkyurg, humble spice peddlar [sic]. I bring my wares from the North to Azure City to sell. 'Haley: Uh... I hate to tell you this, but Azure City was conquered by evil goblinoids, like, months ago. Solt: Was it? Oh my. Well, I suppose that's what I get for getting all my information from Fox News. A circle of gnomes stand around "Fox News", a red fox sitting on a rock. Fox News: Yip yip yip yip, yip yip yip yip. Yip yip, yip yip yowl, yip yip yipyip. Haley: Hey, how far is it to the main road? We're headed north. Solt: About three or four days. When you get to the crossroad, hang a left to go through the mountain pass. Haley: Thanks. Sorry about the mix-up, maybe you— Belkar throws a dagger at Solt, hitting him in the chest and killing him instantly, "shthunk!" Solt: Urk! Haley: WHAT DID YOU DO??? Celia: Oh gods... Belkar: What? You said it yourself, this is war! There's now one less gnome for the Resistance to fight, right? Haley: The Resistance isn't at war with the gnome!!! Belkar: Well of course not, not anymore. He's dead. Belkar: Don't get so worked up. He was a pointless NPC. He was just there to provide color to the scene. Belkar: He probably didn't even have a name. Haley: He TOLD us his name! Belkar: Did he? I wasn't listening. Belkar: Look, I can't be the only one who appreciates the symmetry of the situation. He had a donkey, and we needed a donkey to pull the cart. Now we have a donkey, and he doesn't need anything anymore. Belkar: Everybody wins! Celia: Wait, Haley, I have a solution! We paint the corpse orange and sharpen his teeth a little. Celia: You know, so you can rationalize it more easily. Haley: I wonder if the gods would be offended if I just prayed directly to Roy for the strength to not strangle them both. Belkar dons Solt's gnome hat. Belkar: Oooo! A candy bar! D&D Context * Regarding the title, the Saint is a prestige class in D&D 3.5e. The qualification for the class is that the character is someone who would give their life to save another, the embodiment of good. The joke is that Solt Lorkyurg now qualifies for the class, thanks to Belkar. ** An alternative understanding of the title is that Catholics sometimes pray directly to saints, thus Haley might not offend gods by praying to Roy, particularly if he could take a level in the "Saint" class. * An NPC is a Non-Player Character, a character run by the Dungeon Master, not the players. As such Belkar considers him expendable. Trivia * Solt receives bad information from "Fox News", a dig at 21st Century Fox's Fox News Channel, as well as at viewers who use it as their sole source for news. * This is the first appearance of Solt's Donkey. * This is the only appearance of Solt Lorkyurg. He is given a name to subvert the running gag about named characters not dying. * This is the only appearance of Fox News. External Links * 539}} View the comic * 74978}} View the discussion thread Category:Return to the Oracle